16122208...and i love you

it's been june 4th!

a couple days ago, exactly on the first day of june, after spending my whole afternoon with him, we came into a serious talk. well, not so serious, but the topic was quite serious. we've been discussing about going home for minutes, but then we started another discussion..a discussion that changed us a few minutes later. we were reviewing how far we've gone, what we've done, where's our position, and what we should do with that. that discussion ended up in a question, whether we have to go forward or backward?

we knew we have tried to go backward...and we failed. stupid us, i suppose. we have gone far, we've been leaning on each other for months, and taking those things off ain't an easy thing to do. then we said that. okay, we'll go forward.

for a few seconds we were trapped in an uncomfortable silent..then i turned my head and asked, "so..i have a boyfriend now?". he answered hesitantly, "i suppose"

next thing i remember is that we burst into laugh before we looked at my watch to know what time it was.

to be honest, we were confused. we never thought that we'll be ending this way. we both know we're in a condition that makes it impossible. i..i was quite speechless. he was speechless too. and we were going like, oh my God, oh my God, how could this happen??

a night past.

the next day, as usual, we were texting. he told me he was going out of town. i told him not to think about me because i was afraid he'll fall for me. he replied, you're my own girlfriend, so i don't think thinking about you is a problem. i was shocked. i know, i know, it was funny. but it hadn't came into my consciousness that we've been, uh, um, lover?

another night past

we were both still confused.

on this third day, he asked me whether my momma was already knew. a few hours later, i told my momma, even when i told mom it wasn't quite real for me. and my mom, not to my surprise, LAUGHED.

in the afternoon, after going to church, suddenly i felt like i was already woke up. and i felt sooo happy then.

another night past

i'm here. write this stuff down. feel a bit dizzy, feel a bit puzzled, yet conscious at the same time. 

...and i love you.