Homesick

I'm homesick. I miss my old home so badly. It's not the house, no. I could cope it quite easily. It's not the friends I lost, no. My old friends are still close, and new friends are as good as the old ones.

I go to college. And college life keep me busy. And I like it. I can forget where I am. I can forget about the new house I hate. But...things are just getting worse. Worse. And worse.

I hate my new house because I lost everything. Everything, at that time. Good environment. Good neighbors. Good friends. Good communities. Good places to hang out. Good house. And a house that felt like home, a place where I always come back to, a place where my heart belongs.

Here. I knew no one. I knew nothing about. And I started to runaway. Runaway from my new (supposedly) home.  Why? Mommy and Daddy were too busy struggling to make ends meet. I miss them. Although I see them everyday, they seemed to never be there. The have no time for us; me and my sister. And I ran.

And poor little sister. I left her alone. One of the biggest mistakes I've done in this new (supposedly) home. I left her out with her problem, drowning myself in sorrow, in activities to hide the pain. I never thought that my sister was hurt, too. I never thought that she's younger than me - it must be harder for her than it was for me. I was weak, stupid, and selfish.

I kept myself busy for so long. Busy with myself, busy with nonsense stuff. And I'm forgetting my family. I rarely help my Mom, my Dad. I rarely talk to them. I even rarely be at home. And I guess...the more I leave, the less they care, and the less they need me.

I miss them so bad.

When I'm outside, I always want to get home, but I always deny it, because I know, I wouldn't find what I'm searching for there.

And you know, what you think is what you get. And that's what I get. I couldn't accept the condition; that things are changed, and I never accept this new home. And as the result? I never feel home here. I...I just don't know. This is the closest thing I could call home, but still..something's wrong.

I let my parents struggle by themselves. Hey, they're not young anymore! It's my responsibility to help them, to take some weight from their shoulder instead of increasing it. Hey, what kind of daughter I am? They did EVERYTHING for me. For me and my sister only. To make me happy. To buy me things. To let me go to college. To give me my facilities. And all I did was complaining?? Whoa.

Try, to be more thankful.
Try, to spend more time at home.
Try, to help Mom and Dad more.
Try, to keep your sister close.
And you'll feel home, wherever you are.
- note to self

To end this. I just want to say. I miss you Dad, I miss you Mom, I miss you Sis, and I love you all. I love you. I love you.