#MeToo

I saw this morning in Facebook a classmate of mine posted a long status on sexual abuse. The story was intriguing, about how he felt worthless when he failed to protect the one he cared about from sexual abuse, while he was right there holding her hand. He stated that till now he still feel unsafe to walk alone with a woman without looking around every once in a while.

I was curious about the way he started the story. He started it with "I cannot say "me too". So I googled it. Apparently it was a movement in twitter, started by an actress, Alyssa Milano, on Sunday. I watched how the hashtag spread around the word here. The magnitude gave me shivers.

I sit quiet before my laptop for a while, and think.

I have never been raped. As long as I can remember, no one ever touched my private parts without my consent. Does it mean that I have never been (sexually) harassed? No, I am not sure.

When I was still in 2nd or 3rd grade, my parents signed me up to this school pick-up service. It basically picked me up from home to school in the morning, and drove me back to home in the afternoon. The service was run privately. Our driver that time was maybe 30ish years old. I don't remember. Even if I do remember, I saw him from a kid's eyes. At that time anyone older than 20 years old is very old for me. But I remember his name. We called him Om Joko. Joko is his name. Om is uncle.

He was pretty nice to us, I think. He had, though, a bad habit. He liked to kiss our cheek if we happened to sit next to him on the front seat. It was not like the nice kiss you get from older people because you're a kid, it was a naughty, teasing kiss. I was kissed once. He would drive and laugh and all of a sudden turn sideway and kiss whoever girl sat there. It was disgusting. I felt so embarrassed that it happened to me. I felt like in a way or another, I let it happened by sitting next to him. Since then I never sat on the front seat anymore. And yes, I never told my parents.

Growing up, I got used to catcalls. While I was in Indonesia, I was careful not to wear too revealing clothes if I had to walk, because even with a "proper" clothing, a girl is prone to harassment. One morning, I was standing on the road side waiting for a bus. I wore jeans and long-sleeved shirt. A car stopped in front of me with the window opened. A middle-aged man smiled to me and said "how much is it to take you with me?". I showed him my middle finger and he left, laughing. I then stopped the first taxi, shaking with anger and somehow, embarrassment.

The sad thing is that even the more educated people would do such harassment. Another day, I was in campus, wearing jeans and a rather slimfit shirt covered with a blazer. A lecturer of mine came over and whispered in my ears, "you should've wore this kind of clothing more often, it's sexy.". I was smiling, but I shot back, "Sir, your comment is highly inappropriate.". His smile faded when I walked away. Again, I sensed a feeling of embarrassment.

What I don't understand is that in all harrassing cases, the victim feels embarrassed. It is awfully bizzare as the victim did not play any role in what was happening! In all the cases that happened to me, I was properly dressed. I did not reveal skin, I did not wear skin-tight clothes, I did not choose see-through fabric. I would not say that if a girl wear the exact opposite clothing with me then it's gonna be her fault. But people say if a girl reveal too much skin, it means that she is on the same level with whores who sell themselves for money.

What do people say about a man who flaunts his sexual desires randomly, again? Nothing.